I’ve noticed something over the years with my girl friends who are single or who are not happy in their relationships. They LOVE watching romantic comedies and dramas. One phrase you can pretty much guarantee hearing when you have a girl’s night in watching romantic movies that all star anyone who has grazed the cover of People’s ‘Sexiest Man Alive’ issue is, “Why can’t I meet a guy like that?” Well ladies, it’s because…THERE ARE NONE. Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not a man-hater. I’m just saying movies depict men in an unrealistic way, therefore causing many women to have unrealistically high expectations of what makes a good boyfriend/husband. So, I thought I would make up a list and point out the many movie myths when it comes to the male gender.
1. WE EXPECT OUR PRINCE CHARMING TO LOOK LIKE BRAD PITT
Okay, let’s start with the easy one first. In movies, women always usually fall for the handsome lead. Thus, causing women in real life to use that celebrity or character as a basis of comparision regarding their own relationships. As much as I would love to be taken by Boris Kodjoe, it’s most likely not going to happen.
2. MEN DO NOT SPEAK IN MONOLOGUES PROFESSING THEIR LOVE TO YOU
In almost every romantic comedy or drama I’ve seen, the male lead will usually profess his undying love to the female lead (usually after a huge fight or temporary breakup) in these long and lengthy speeches that make Hamlet’s soliloquies look short, and that also usually make most womens’ hearts melt. Movies like ‘Disturbia,‘ ‘Jerry Maguire,’ and ‘Chasing Amy’ are all notorious for this. This causes many women to get depressed, because usually the closest thing a woman gets to getting a man to profess their love to her is when he gives her(voluntarily) the last chicken wing off his plate.
3. BEING A CONSTANT BITCH WILL NOT MAKE THE GUY WANT YOU MORE
Tell me if this sounds familiar. Boy meets girl. Girl is repulsed by boy. Boy keeps hounding girl. Girl eventually caves in and falls for once repulsive boy. Movies like ‘One Fine Day,’ ‘Something New,’ ‘Six Days and Seven Nights‘ and many others have all had female leads that literally treat the men like sh*t, and yet the men STILL pursue the women after being constantly rejected by them. Girls, let me tell that although playing hard to get and having a little attitude may help you catch a guy, treating the object of your affection like sh*t will get you nothing more than a “angry booty call” out of him.
4. FIRST TIME SEX IS NEVER AS GOOD AS IT LOOKS ON FILM
In the obligatory sex scenes in romantic movies, we usually see two bodies mesh in a perfectly choreographed way and the woman always has the most intense orgasm. We usually forget the first time with someone usually involves awkward positions and “shortcomings.” (If you catch my drift)
5. DO NOT EXPECT GRAND GESTURES
A few years ago, I got mad at my long term boyfriend at the time because he hadn’t done anything romantic for me. (i.e. Grand f*cking Gestures) How I longed for him to serenade me off key like Jerry O’ Connell and Adam Sandler did for their ladies in ‘Scream 2′ ( yup..even horror films are guilty of this) and ‘The Wedding Singer.’ Or for him to even carry me out of my workplace like Richard Gere carried Debra Winger out of the factory in ‘An Officer and a Gentleman.’ I remember him being angry at me after that…because I hadn’t appreciated all the little things he had done that were so much more important. :(
6. HE WILL NOT CHASE YOU IN THE RAIN
In fact he probably won’t chase you period. How many movies have you seen where the couple onscreen get into a fight, and the woman runs away, and the man catches up with her and turns her around to give her a passionate kiss? (I’ve lost count after ‘The Notebook.’) Let me tell you, that hardly happens. The only passionate thing I’ve gotten when I storm off after a fight is the finger.
7. HE WILL NOT RUIN YOUR WEDDING
I remember years ago I went to a psychic and they had told me that the man I loved was going to stop my wedding in the future. It was then, I realized I was getting jipped. Every woman has probably daydreamed in their lifetime about the one true love of their life stopping their wedding (like they do in the movies) and driving off on their motorcycle, (never understood that) and living happily ever after. Honestly, if that fantasy were to happen, it wouldn’t go down like that. You would probably be surrounded by debt (due to the costs of the wedding you skipped out on) and probably living in some remote place due to the fact that your jilted groom has probably put a hit on you and your “one true love.” Isn’t it just romantic? (Now I really hope the psychic is going to be wrong!)
Although our relationships may not seem as glamourous as they do in the movies, women (or the women around me at least) need to realize a man does not need to wear a cape or ride a valiant steed to be our hero or knight in shining armor. Honestly, forget movies’ perception of men, and deal with men for how they are and not how you would like them to be. If men did the same thing women did when watching their action movies, they would expect us to have perfect hair and make-up 24/7, an incurable sexual desire, and no PMS.
That’s just my take on the subject. Are there any other movie myths I’m leaving out?
87 Comments, Comment or Ping
Nick
Serena….you’re brilliant! You have officially brought a tear to my eye and I can’t thank you enough. As well, one thing you can add to the good hair and make-up 24/7 is that when the girl gets all soaked from rain or whatever, the make-up never smears at all and they’re never wearing a bra underneath their shirt. Just kidding…..or am I? :-) Thanks Serena!
Oct 10th, 2007
Nero
I object a cpl of these lol.
@ #3) Being a bitch can make a dude want her more, I would know, I was a dumbass dude in the shoes chasing a chick treatin me like shit… why am I admitting this? i dunno i jus am.
@ #1) There could be those type of dudes out there for yall, jus like my buddies always tell me “they all scandolous”. Now of course all the ones I have met are of course, but I’m sure there are a few that aren’t. Sometimes it jus depends on the person they’re with as to how they will treat their partner.
Oct 10th, 2007
John
I laughed for 10 minutes after reading this:
“The only passionate thing I’ve gotten when I storm off after a fight is the finger.”
Oct 10th, 2007
Grave
This was a really good topic, it also swings the same way with guys too and movies perception of what the girls on mens dreams are. In truth the only guy or girls that act like they do in the movies are the biggest bunch of scum because they use peoples own fantasys to get what they want.
Oct 10th, 2007
Terry Letourneau
Grave is right. It’s the same how women are portrayed too. Not too many prostitutes look like Julia Roberts…..not that I know any to begin with.
Oct 10th, 2007
frankwolftown
#6) Right on! If anyone here can give a situation where it was even REMOTELY like that I will see to it John Campea gives them $5,000!
Come on John we know your good for it! ;-)
Oct 10th, 2007
Jeff Razey
Well, men want what they cant have, thats why we chase the ones that are bitches and push us away, when we do however get the one we want, we have built her up to something so god like that it may never last past the “booty-call” …I suppose women have the same senario…
No sane man with any pride ever chase after a ex- AT HER WEDDING! ITS CALLED STALKING! I could go on but don’t think its necessary
Running in the rain, maybe, depends on the woman, and situation…I am 90% certain I would for the ‘one’…
Funny thing about #1, a study was done and women have said that they would have ‘one-nighters’ with guys that look buff-Brad Pitt-model like guys but wouldn’t marry them. Women want guys that don’t make them feel insecure about themselves, a guy thats flawless makes them feel ugly..?…(hard to please?) Plus women want a guys that won’t mind their women or wives with varrying weight/physic over time in a marrage - a guy thats flawless (Pitt) would soon loose intrest in a wife in due time because of such, and seek something more too his ideals/standards. Depends on the person(s) points of views.
Love and insanity are sooo close and hand to hand with each other, love makes some guys profess monologues that sound great in their head, but (depending on the woman and situations) women ‘hear’ insanity/obsessed crazy guy and head for the hills…visa-versa. Its amazing the human species even procreate…(not always, but quite often) Now this KEEPS us from doing so - inorder to keep them (men or women) from running and screaming. Sane guys won’t do this untill their vows on the wedding day, the love crazed loonies do, and I don’t like being mistaken for one.
Last thougts…Sex usually involves boose….calms everyones nerves for the first time ‘jungle fever’ love making…Alchohol is a stimulant - it relaxes musles as well as the nerves…hence ‘WHISKEY DICK’ and/or ’short-cummings’…Not everyone is effected the same way, but most guys need a little liquid courage before even talking to a woman. Sometimes us guys think of ourselves as hairy, smelly, out-of-shape ding bats and when it comes to talking to a hot woman we don’t see what woman ’see’ in us, so we boose up! Everyone sees their own flaws and amplify them 10x what they really are, or what their importance is or isn’t to the opposite sex. Guys learn young that sometimes boose helps, which it does, in moderation - too much equals disaster in bed. Not very many guys I know (including myself) spend 10hrs a week at the gym to have that “Brad Pitt” body, thus gaining confidence enough to handle women sober. And ladies if you get that guy thats in the gym and has the that kind of ‘look’ - the kind that can get any woman in the bar/club - he can and will.
….So, you see a guy in bar you think is kinda hot but drinking like a fish, slowem down, and all will be a little better for the first time…maybe…
As far as movies go - they are just movies, fantisies, but not too far off. Hell, me and my guy friends don’t expect women to be PORN stars, it’d be nice, but thats the problem with fantisies or movies, they cloud reality. Everyone needs to WORK at makeing it a reality - or as close to it as we can!
Serena, great artical, something I have argued many many times!!!!
Oct 10th, 2007
Marla Singer
These are all myths. Just becasue women watch romantic comedies doesnt mean we expect life is like that, its just an entertaining ideal for 2 hours. its just if you were to say to guys “men should watch less action movies because such and such whatever isnt real in life”. yadayada. movies are fiction/fantasy. its up to the viewer to depict what is reality and what isnt. its not the movies fault.
Oct 10th, 2007
TheFlyingWorm
Yea, I can see it now, my “big day” with all my family and her family in this huge church (or mosque - not gonna discriminate here…I mean, are there even marriages in mosques anyway? hmm…) and just before the “I do” this motherfucker waltzes in like he’s a fucking rock star. My girl looks at him, he stares back, I look at my girl, then I look at him. She runs to him and they get in OUR limo…I mean the fucking ballz on this bastard. No sir, this aint the movies because they won’t make it more than two miles down the road. Not while I’m in my AWD Rally Inspired EVO. Yes folks, this is where the movie really ends because I catch up to them pull my shotty out and blow the tires off that fucking limo forcing them to stop. “FUCK YEA!!!” I scream as I run up to that ugly pink limo that SHE so eagerly begged for and got because I was WHIPPED. WHIPPED I TELL YOU! BLAMBLAMBLAM. Yea that’s right shattered glass everywhere. MOTHERFUCKERS TRY THAT SHIT AGAIN. Oh wait, you can’t, because I just shot your limbs off. Now that’s reality. But I must tone it down now, I was typing like a madman there with minimal mistakes. PHEW. I’ll be doing a book-signing at BIGLOTS this weekend. I hope you all can attend, especially my friends north of the Great Lakes.
Oct 10th, 2007
Cole
- Making a path to the bedroom with 100 candles is a fire hazard
- Surprising your lost love when she thinks you’re dead will scare the living fuck out of her
Oct 10th, 2007
Kristina
My personal fav is when they wake up the next morning and talk to each other with no trace of morning breath, drool on pillows, eye boogers, or bed head. LOVE IT.
And that list is why I avoid crappy romcoms like the plague.
Oct 10th, 2007
Spazmo
Serena, you are a truely enlightened woman…
Now if you dont mind, maybe give my ex a call (who watched a ton of this kind of movie and TV show) and explain that to her.
…and while you’re at it, can you ask if I can have my DVD’s back?
Oct 10th, 2007
Marina
I will agree that nearly all of what you mention is true but I also disagree that this should discourage women from seeing these types of film. Most of the time, movies are about escape, dreaming - leaving behind our sometimes shitty lives and living in a place where everything works - if only for a moment. And that’s not even every film, just a few. There’s a time and place for everything and I think romantic movies have their time and place.
We don’t say to guys: you must stop watching movies with hot girls in them because:
1) very few women are never really that good looking and that ones that are wouldn’t date you anyways
2) the girls in the movies aren’t “real” they’re actors
etc. etc. etc. A great opinion, to be sure, but I can’t say I agree with it completely.
Oct 10th, 2007
Meli
Amen, sister!
I like to call this Fary Tale Syndrome and sadly a few of my girlfriends have suffered from it at one time or another.
I enjoy a nice romantic drama usually set in some past time period or I’ll curl up with one of my favorite Jane Austen novels, but I know it’s not reality.
With that said I did get lucky and married a wonderful guy who does everyday special guestures to let me know he cares…like bringing me my coffee each morning. You have no idea how awesome that is! ;D
Oct 10th, 2007
bigsampson
ya i like everything you say except they are completly wrong…in a lot of cases. while these points are valid and are probly true a lot, but there is true romance with prince charmings….not all women want to be assertive*…some like to stay at home clean and cook…raise a child or 2 while then men work…some men are assholes and they make good women hate men….shit is always differant in most cases….im not an expert but its just common sense….none the less good stuff.
Oct 11th, 2007
T-Dog
Really attractive girls will have a highly humorous ‘thing’ about them - be it being clumsy, neurotic, weird family member… In real life this would be so flippin’ annoying. But in film its just plain adorable…
Oct 11th, 2007
kanthan
i think thats a load of rubbish that good looking women are bitches and annoying. I m going out with and engaged to the most beautiful girl i have seen phyically and in the intellect sense. She is an amazing asain princess and also is very bright as should be as she is doing medicine. She also funny and very caring. So i do believe you should reach for the stars as its that ones that do are same who catch them
Oct 11th, 2007
Serena
Hey Kanthan,
Congratulations! We should all reach for the stars…
theflyingworm…that was TOO FUNNY :P
Marla…yes movies are an escape..I just noticed in a lot of cases women subconciously take a lot of romantic actions in the movies to heart.
Jeff, you bring up good points…but I have to point you out for a moment. “First time jungle fever love making?” Ummm…why would you need booze for that?!”
Oct 11th, 2007
DirtyRobot
I chased once, and I was pissed that it wasn’t raining! It was foggy, but it’s not quite the same thing. :p
Oct 11th, 2007
@spence
I chased once too, but of course that is after she walked about 2 miles…..oopps
Oct 11th, 2007
miles
i know women who are holding out for these things.
they grow fatter and more jaded by the day.
Oct 11th, 2007
wickedstuffings
toooo friggin funny! and i have expected EACH AND EVERY ONE of these things. Infact…i was out running in the rain last night…and I thought…wow this would be such a romantic momment!! LOL..what A fawking tard I am…I had a better chance at being mugged.
Oct 11th, 2007
Umberhaven
Serena, this is a great list. Unfortunately, I’m nearly clueless about romance and relationships, but as one of those rare guys that’s more open-minded about romantic comedies, I definitely recognize some of the complaints you’re making about romantic movies.
(3) Being a Bitch: This is my favorite one on the list. As much as I really like One Fine Day, it was kind of unrealistic that Clooney’s character would fall for Pfeiffer’s charcter the way she talked to him and automatically assumed male stereotypes about him. In fact, I’m one of the few people in the world who hated Forrest Gump, and to me the worst thing about that movie was how much Jenny treated Forrest like crap. Granted, he was “slow” intellectually, but emotionally, there should have been *no* reason for him to be so into a woman who constantly stepped all over him.
(6) Won’t Chase in Rain: This is another favorite on the list. If you’re already angry and yelling, why would a guy want to get cold and wet too. Just compounds the stress. ;) Ever seen Message in a Bottle with Kevin Costner and Robin Wright Penn? Great movie, but it’s guilty of a fight-in-the-rain scene too. One of the few low points of an otherwise good movie with a believable yet complicated romance.
For really good romantic comedies, check out Under the Tuscan Sun and Return to Me. Under the Tuscan Sun doesn’t really even involve a romance; it’s mostly about someone getting over a divorce so she can learn how to a have romance again. Return to Me is really funny, is much more down to earth, and does not feel like a typical Hollywood romcom.
Despite being a little cliche and cutesy and having a couple underdeveloped subplots, Love Actually is pretty good too. My two favorite subplots involve the British author and Portuguese housekeeper who fall in love despite not speaking each other’s language and the British Prime Minister (played by Hugh Grant) hooking up with one of his assistants (but not in a Bill Clinton kind of way).
All the romcoms I just mentioned are several years old. Unfortunately, I don’t think there’s been a great one recently, unless you count Waitress which is really harder to classify.
Oct 11th, 2007
Terry Letourneau
Of all the romantic movies, Fatal Attraction is the most realistic one.
Oct 11th, 2007
bigsampson
#24 !!!!! very true # 24 !!!!! very true
Oct 11th, 2007
krazie835
So what would it take to get Serena?
Oct 11th, 2007
krazie835
That is scary that Fatal Attraction is the most realistic one hahaha…scary.
I always liked When Harry Met Sally it felt like a realistic romance movie to me.
Oct 11th, 2007
TM
Serena, I haven’t commented on any of your posts, but this caught my attention. I actually read the entire thing. It was humorous and entertaining.
Oct 11th, 2007
Kristina
Love Actually is a very touching movie. I despise romcoms, but that movie just got to me. I cried at the end of that film with the footage of people embracing in the airport, especially the little blond kids running to their daddy.
Oct 11th, 2007
rafa1215
Serena - I want to give you a hug..look into your eyes and say everything is going to be allright. You’re a cute girl and you’ll find someone. If you were not cute you would have a lot harder time finding one - unless you put out.
He may not be the be the best looking guy in the world, but he makes you very happy. As long as you can seperate with what is real and what is not you’ll do just fine. Don’t be cynical about it - accept it. Every once in a while I surprise my wife by sending her flowers out of the blue or celebrate her birthday a couple days ahead of time just to throw her off. I’ve gotten better at this - thank God for my pocket pc - you see when we are out shopping I notice her looking at something and see her wishing she could have it. I make a note of it on my Pocket pc and get it for her next time I could get it - I guess that’s cheating.
Women need escape just as much as men need porn - it’s just that - it’s an escape.
I’ve been married for 10 years. My wife used to say - why can’t you say what he’s saying in the movies or why can’t you do what he’s doing? I had to teach her film production 101. I explained to her that the guy in the movies is basically just a robot and is told what to say and how to say it. I told her that who you’re in love with is the writer becuase all the actor has to do is give his best best delivery of the line.
Good luck in finding the man of your dreams. May your rut be a happy one once you get there.
Oct 11th, 2007
Tina
I agree with Jeff on a lot of what he said.
I do have to say this… I have come across MANY GREAT men that I simply let go for what ever reason. I think your wrong on a lot of what you said, and write on some of it.
I once had my mail man knock on my door and ask me out, so some times these type of things really do come true, however in this case I declined his offer and that was the end of it.
Then of course the guy I am some what seeing now called me up one day and said “so whats up, you my girl or what” …. I nearly fell off my chair laughing.
I think it’s give and take, if you really love and want each other then you do things that are extreamly romantic and beyond movies, for no other reason then love.
As far as perfect men go, I dont want a perfect man, I just want a man perfect for me, and my only true requirement is be faithful!
Oct 11th, 2007
Josh Kelhoffer
Another reason women shouldnt watch romantic movies: They’re hypocrites and say they want that romantic nice guy from the movies and yet refuse to date anybody but douchebags
Oct 11th, 2007
Darren J Seeley
Don’t look surprised. You figured I’d chime in sooner or later.
11) Any rom-com-drama with Jennifer Garner is pure fantasy. That last one- Catch & Release especially….because when your fiancee dies on the wedding day, you know a lass can always rebound and sleep /date with one of his best friends less than a week before the wake…a friend who intr’d the late suitor into cheating on her, a friend who screws the hired maid within 24 hours of his best friend’s car accident. On top of all that, the late fiancee’s mother wants The Ring back…before her son is even in the ground.
(Also, C&R applies to no#3, with the phony ending too)
Do not get me started on “13 Going on 30″.
******
In any case, it isn’t the ladies who love “The Notebook” who bother me…(I’ve been kina pursued by a number who have, I have no clue as to why…but it…em…doesn’t ‘bother’ me…heh heh) it is those who worship Paris, Britney and , once upon a time, Madonna…. that do
BTW, I ran after a nice girl in the rain before.
When I caught up to her, I’ll give you a multiple choice of what she said to me. Did she say:
a) “Thanks for getting my umbrella for me. I forgot it”
b) “Darren! Are You Insane?! You might catch pneumonia!”
c) “You look funny all wet!”
or d) all the above.
******
Rule Of Thumb: It is okay for a guy to go after a lass in the pouring rain. If there is thunder and lighting, bit of hail, the woman is clearly not all there. Let her go.
If it a snowstorm or hurricane, don’t go. She’ll be back.
*****
FYI
It is about 211 miles from Flint to Mississauga.
Oct 11th, 2007
Mattiac
@Josh Kelhoffer: It’s a sad fact that you’re corect!
Oct 11th, 2007
Drew
One of the best posts at TMB in ages.
Oct 11th, 2007
naught
Running after me in the rain?? Are you insane!! My make up is all melted and shit, so if he does catch up to me I probably won’t talk to him anyways.
Oct 12th, 2007
darkbhudda
Actually one thing I have noticed about female leads is that they are utterly bland and boring. They give them one quirky behaviour or hobby, she’s so wacky she does Yoga!, to make them seem different than everyone else, but I’m an ugly guy and I wouldn’t go on a date with most female leads. I just ain’t that desperate.
The one cliche I really cannot abide by in romantic comedies is that the female lead will ditch her fiance, usually an allergy ridden bore, to hook up with the male lead. Then the jilted fiance finds someone else and all is well.
Most of the behaviours exhibited by men in romantic comedies would get them arrested. Looking at that list.
2) only a nice guy or a stalker would do something like that. And unless a woman is ready to hear it at that exact moment, it can destroy the relationship.
3) is clear cut harassment.
4) Gotta agree with you there. For all the Cosmo articles that have ever been written, there are still so many women who don’t know their own bodies. And if they do, they are too shy to tell you what they like. Yes ladies your girly bits are all different. I’ve known chicks with G-Spots up near their bladders.
5) The first question anyone asks when a guy does make a grand gesture is “what is he apologising for?” And it won’t be just one person, everyone of your acquaintances will be asking the same question. Won’t be long until he regrets that grand gesture.
6) If any guy did chase you you would scream and he would be beaten to death by nearby “chivalrous” males. No I’m not joking, that has happened to guys before.
7) Just popping out to buy a motorcycle now. Let us know where the wedding will be;)
Oct 15th, 2007
Bryan
I agree with most all that has been said. But one other thing I would like to add is that most actions in movies would creep girls out. You see in movies where a guy has liked a girl for a long period of time, but the girl doesn’t know who the guy is. Then the guy ends up talking to the girl expressing how much he likes her and proceeds to tell her all the little things he likes about her (bringing up things she did 12 yrs ago.)she ends up thinking it is sweet and falls in love. In real life, the girl would be creeped out and and probably get a restraining order. It wouldn’t be cute
Oct 15th, 2007
Omer Bahri Gordebak
I did not read all of the comments, so if it is already said, forgive me.
I think the same applies to the men also. There aren’t any girls in the world like the ones in romantic comedies.
Oct 15th, 2007
cghhmghghj
TheFlyingWorm. You’re a moron. I just wanted to let you know, if you already didn’t.
Oct 15th, 2007
Ambiguous
Yet it still remains a mystery to me as to why the guys who WILL chase after you in the rain and will do the silly hopelessly romantic big gestures of love are always the ones who are single and no one actually falls in love with. These are the guys who are always there to listen to you complain about how bad the guy you’re currently with is or how wonderful the guy you have a crush on is (and, frequently, how much better he is than said hopeless romantic guy) and still be supportive of you. What is it about those guys that makes women want to completely ignore them?
And for the record, I have yet to meet a guy who’s worth two minutes of your time who has any silly expectations begotten from some ill-conceived movie.
Oct 15th, 2007
Circles
I wish people would stop treating different genders as individual people some guys WOULD do this kind of stuff some good looking girls AREN’T actually total bitches people are actually individuals…
Its not like every male and female are the same as the rest.
And the women that say all guys are jerks are sad bitter people that have probably had a couple of bad experiences in the past and they deserve to die alone.
Oct 16th, 2007
Coon
Sooo, this is simply based on your personal opinion with the women you’ve dealt with. There can’t possibly be any girl out there who can be normal in any way to you. They all act this way.
Oct 16th, 2007
mcgrimus
Try renting “The Tao of Steve” and then immediately watch “Chocolat.” It’s funny how closely Johnny Depp’s character follows Steve’s rules for getting a woman.
Oct 17th, 2007
Meiran
I absolutely and 100% agree with this. People have such a deformed sense of “love” that they can’t figure out how to be happy anymore, and movies and books and popular culture are what has done it to us.
Come on now people, fiction and non-fiction. If it’s in a movie, doesn’t mean it’s real.
Oct 18th, 2007
Rafael
A very good article! Most would have ended up as a rant against all men, but this was very well put together.
Might I add that most movies depict guys as dumb. This is simply not the case. It’s true, there are times where guys just won’t get the point, and I’ll admit to being guilty of this myself. But as an earlier comment mentioned, “people are individuals!” So while I hope my future “better half” has at least OK looks, I value intelligence much more highly.
Oct 18th, 2007
Jess
I am so happy you posted this. Ever since we were engaged, people told me and my husband we had a “movie romance” or a “meant to be” thing going. I was a little put off that people thought you could just fall into a relationship with someone and automatically everything is roses and rainbows. We have been married for a year now and we have been together for four years. Yes, we now have a wonderful relationship but it didn’t come without hard work, compromise, and understanding. Mainly, a deep understanding of the opposite sex. Men in movies are what women envision and dream about but men in reality are truly just men. They think, react, and generally are different. The best advice I can give…read John Gray’s “men are from mars women are from venus” book series. It is written for both men and women to understand and it really gives you a look into the opposite sex. It also addresses these very same “movie myths.” Also, if you find someone you love, don’t complicate it. Be grateful and don’t try to change that person. My marriage is better than I ever thought possible and that is largely based on the fact that I love my husband…plain and simple, I want nothing to change and we have both made sacrifices to get here. You have to have compromise in any relationship to make it work. Don’t go looking for that movie man, unless you plan on sticking to purely “dream quests” the rest of your life.
Oct 19th, 2007
matt
Being a bitch is definitely NOT the way to get most guy’s attention. I would never date a girl who thought she was that great.
Oct 20th, 2007
James
Romantic movies are as realistic as today’s Action movies. Though everything is exaggerated, I believe that everything that is fake is mimicking something real. I urge all of the ladies out there to not give up hope! You are worth a man that will chase you, profess to you, and chase you in the rain! They’re not movie stars. They’re not rich. They’re not famous… but there are men who are romantic, hard working, loving and will never cheat or take advantage. You’ve just got to be sure your the kind of person that guy would want to be with.
Oct 20th, 2007
HadMatter
The movies mentioned and this entire article with most of its comments can be summed up in one word…cliché.
How about coming up with something original? That’s asking a lot of Hollywood, but a person with the obvious writing talents that Serena has can surely do much better than this.
Oct 20th, 2007
Izabael
Lol. I don’t agree on the being a bitch is necessary. Being some sort of a tease is, however. Bitchiness is just one way to accomplish that.
Oct 25th, 2007
Luggage
Nice post, I enjoyed reading it… and I’m a man at that.
Though I feel it’s necessary to put a little footnote under it: not all men are this bad either. I am a hopeless romantic but have noticed even when you do something really romantic, unexpected, uncommon (or iow what you see daily in movies) it doesn’t work either.
Women in my experience even react badly when they get their hollywood dream moment fullfilled. :(
for all people, don’t spend so much time on expectations, what you think the world or a guy/girl expects, don’t be something you somewhat feel yourself with but fits in whatever you feel is expected. Be yourself.
Just plain and simply. The only way to find a person with who it will work out brilliantly is to be true to yourself and who you are. This way when a person likes you, he likes you for you, and not the charade or whatever that gets put up on saturday night. It will lesten dissappointments later on.
A lot of guys do have a romantic soul, I know I do. But it isn’t always easy and women don’t always make it any easier either.
About the bitchy, tip: from my vast experience being amongst men simply because I am one. If you want a guy that’s actually nice, sweet loving and so on and so forth. Don’t be bitchy at all. Nice men hate bitchy and get completely turned of by it.. Bitchy only works for “hot chick superhero fights zombies”-hollywood women. Bitchy equals slutty, men looking for what they think might be slutty are not nice men who are looking for relationships.
Men who want love and commitment, romance and so on and so forth (yes they do exist. I know ;) ) want a nice woman, THE woman. Not a bitch you hate to be stuck (read: married) to.
Oct 27th, 2007
Randy
Very good points. As a man I’d say there is really some wisdom here.
Oct 30th, 2007
Greg
I “stumbled” upon this article with one of my favorite programs and it made me think a lot.
I have been this guy to my girlfriend of 10 months. I’m only seventeen but we’ve been through quite a bit and I think things are falling apart now, I can’t take any more. I’ve been the perfect guy, I’ve done all of the small gestures all the time; I bring her small gifts, flowers, treat her amazingly, everything you could ever think of and more.
In response to the questions, there was never any monologue to profess my love, I quite easily did that through all of my gestures, actions, and words.
I don’t look amazing, but I think I am cute and I’m confident about my looks personality.
I’ve chased her through the metaphorical rain.
She was never a bitch before we were going out, and she was only ever occasionally because she was either in a bad mood or because of PMS or something, but I was always understanding and loving.
I had hoped there would have never been a wedding to crash, that we would’ve stayed together until we got married.
I don’t think it’s going to last much longer just because I’m tired of her jerking me around; she only wants me sometimes and I’m not going to be around for those times any more.
That being said, I’m always looking to meet new people, especially friends, so if you live near Toronto, Canada drop me a line at kynaeus [at] rogers [dot] com. =]
cheerio! excellent post!
Oct 30th, 2007
Hibo
Haha, i just had the discussion about whether or not true love exits anymore. And even though im 19 and maybe a bit naive i believe in love however not movielove. The thing is, real love is always more passionate and happening as it is not perfect. Romantic movies never get to me because it isnt something i want. Besides the hot guy, haha which one can easily get. However as wonderful as looks are a GREAT guy has a GREAT personality.Funny and smart. Maybe Hot? maybe Not but who gives a damn. I dont want the jerry Mcguire love nor the Last tango In Paris love, I want the real thing cause it is SOOOOOO much better. dont u agree???
Nov 18th, 2007
madcasey
Now, I don’t mean to offend anyone here-least of all the 11 million commenters who were compelled to basically say “Oh man that’s great… so true; I HATE chick flicks and therefore love your analysis!!1″
But… this piece does little to help the idealistic little shrews that worship chick flicks in the first place. Your commentary is basically just a laundry list of why “real” mean aren’t worth a reel of film, so for all the hopeful prudes out there who need to be told when to fall in love, maybe they should just stop hoping.
“Women need to stop complaining that men aren’t that great, because men… aren’t that great.”
Not such a useful argument.
Allow me to quote “When Harry Met Sally” for you, which is a fine romantic comedy: “It’s just obvious that you haven’t had great sex yet.”
Nov 19th, 2007
Serena Whitney
Actually Madcasey, it’s just obvious that you don’t know what you’re talking about. :P
I’ve had a great love and great sex and it was with someone who was REAL and didn’t do things out of a movie.
I appreciated the smaller things…the random text msgs, phone calls, the nights we would just stay and watch movies.
You obviously didn’t get the point of this article.
Nov 20th, 2007
RL
Love is an illusion, everything else is make believe.
Dec 21st, 2007
Movie Online
I think I’m gonna send this link to some of my friends (girls)…a very interesting read
Jan 30th, 2008
romcom fun
Serena I disagree with all your points except number
three.
i watch romcoms and love them. I dont believe in some of the things that happen there, but then again all movies have unrealistic stuff. like the hot guys comon..i dont think holywood recriutes unattractive ppl. anyway i think u r wrong serena, there are a lot of guys out there who would chase a girl in the rain and who would proffess their love in monologues,
without going far, a lot of the guys who replied to your blog have admitted of chasing a girl in the rain.
…any way my point is there are guys who will do all the nice things in movies and even more..its just a matter of finding the right one..like someone said here reach for the stars.. and you will find someone who will treat you like a princess..i say this because i know a lot of girls settle for gys who dont appreiciate them enough just because you they dont believe such guys exist.Lucky for me i have found my prince, he doesnt look like brad pit, he looks better. ps romantic gestures go both ways a lot of girls tend to forget that.
Jan 31st, 2008
lilme
As a women who has been married for a little over 13 years now. I will have to disagree with some of the things you have listed here.
1. My prince charming looks better then brad pitt;)and believe me he is a prince charming.
2. My husband has wrtten me poems and yes he tells me all the time how beautiful I am and how lucky he is to have found me and all that stuff;)
3. Can’t say on this one as Hmm I don’t really get bitchy to often.
4. first time we had sex I would consider it to be perfect;)
5. I never expect them but I do get them I used to sing You are my Sunshine to him all the time. He knows I love stuffed animals. He went a looking found me a stuffed animal that plays “you are my sunshine”. then another time He created a video with our song in it with pictures of us throughout our relationship. These are just a couple of things He has done are they grand I think so…
6. Of course with every couple there are spats and I tend to just walk away. Yes He has followed me in the rain and apologized.
7. nope never ruined any weddings…
So I have the perfect man and no nobody can have em. One problem i see that occures in Most relationships is they get on this feeling Kick one prob with that anger weather illness etc can change how a person feels. Love is a much deeper connection then a feeling. Do i wanna smack my hubby at times yes sometimes i feel that way lol but Love him any less of course not..
Feb 5th, 2008
buy dvd rent dvd
Some roanctic movies are ok but I agree with point 3. If people treat you bad you normally hate them back. Who goes ooo she hates me. Yippy.
Feb 12th, 2008
Melissa
Serena, I was just reading the last post you wrote (Valentines day) and I saw an ad for this and was intrigued.. I laughed outloud when I realized you wrote this one as well!! Fantastic job on both! #4 had me rolling laughing… I do believe we’ve discussed that before! It really is the small things that make the difference, and “grand gestures” are different in reality.. women should not compare this with Hollywood! Again, great article hun! I can’t wait to read more!
Feb 19th, 2008
God
You women are greedy you lack discipline, the perfect man do not exist. You tell the good guys like me to go away.
:) and when you are being looked at with respect you too busy chatting to your girl friend who is jealous.
A word for you and I will bookmark this page, answer me one thing. “how should we dress, how do we act and when can you be polite instead of a nagger.
Mar 5th, 2008
freakpink
i think because woman is too emotional,sometimes they dont know how to keep there fellings..so you guys can easilly catch womans heart
Apr 12th, 2008
Wendy Pickett
I’ve ordered lots of romance books online! They’re great!!
Apr 13th, 2008
rfa123
check this site out for movie reviews and links to movie and tv websites:
http://movie-direct1.squarespace.com/
Jun 23rd, 2008
Hershey Squirrel
Right on. I married my wife for (among other reasons) the fact that watching “Dirty Dancing” did not get her into bed, on the third date.
Jun 28th, 2008
natalie
I guess your love life sucks cause my man has done almost all that stuff
Jul 2nd, 2008
natalie
(Type your comment here. Make sure you’ve read the commenting rules before doing so)
Jul 2nd, 2008
Papageena
I’m late to this post, but fuckit. I absolutely agree. I usually avoid romcoms like the plague, but I admit Shakespeare in Love and Ever After are two of my guilty pleasures. (The operative word there being ‘guilty’, however I only like the first for Stoppard’s work, the nerdy Shakespeare references, Geoffrey Rush, and Tom Wilkinson and the latter for the great take on Cinderella and Melanie Lynsky.)
But if I had to base my unrealistic standards for a man from any romantic comedy and assuming he wasn’t a stalker, just really persistent and charming and genuine, I’d pick ‘Life is Beautiful’s Guido and (sure, why not?) Wall-E.
Jul 2nd, 2008
Jim
#8 He will have needs of his own
The feature of almost every romantic movie: It’s all about her. There are holes in her life that he comes along and fills perfectly. Grand gestures, chasing in the rain, that’s all the man’s job. She makes him love her apparently just by being so amazing as to be worth all that hassle. The fact is that relationships, especially today, only work when both parties are committed to each other. You’re gonna have to give up a chicken wing yourself on occasion.
Jul 6th, 2008
Supernetuser
I’m rare, a woman who is not into romance movies. Some guys hopefully find this to be a relief. I find the romance movie to portray unrealistic love lives. In fact, I’m annoyed by them giving people unrealistic expectations. They actually make me very angry because its giving tons of women the wrong idea. As if I don’t have enough to be angry over, I think romance movies are really designed to insult people’s intelligence. I’d rather watch Alien Vs.Predator than anything romantic. I’ll pick something more interesting than that. I like comedies but I prefer fantasy or science fiction over a romance movie or even a novel any day.
Jul 10th, 2008
Supernetuser
I’m rare, a woman who is not into romance movies. Some guys hopefully find this to be a relief. I find the romance movie to portray unrealistic love lives. In fact, I’m annoyed by them giving people unrealistic expectations. They actually make me very angry because its giving tons of women the wrong idea. As if I don’t have enough to be angry over, I think romance movies are really designed to insult people’s intelligence. I’d rather watch Alien Vs.Predator than anything romantic. I’ll pick something more interesting than that. I like comedies but I prefer fantasy or science fiction over a romance movie or even a novel any day.
http://www.kwanzoo.com.
Jul 10th, 2008
The Telfon from London
Chick flicks are dangerous, as they give women (and men) impossible goals to attain. They are also badly written, acted, and directed on top of it.
Besides, whenever a man pours his heart out to a woman, she secretly hates him for it, as he comes across as too sensitive and “needy”, in her opinion. He usually gets dumped shortly thereafter for being too honest. So if it does actually happen, women don’t like it. They prefer their men to be stoic, uncaring a***oles.
Jul 11th, 2008
Raw Rodrigo
John are you gay!?
“A few years ago, I got mad at my long term boyfriend at the time because he hadn’t done anything romantic for me. (i.e. Grand f*cking Gestures)”
Wtf? Maybe im just having a massive blonde moment, but is that YOU talking, or are you making a point through the POV of a cliche girl?
Dude…explain lol
Jul 12th, 2008
Ricky
if she opens her mouth too much stick something in it and tell her to suck on it.. then kick her ass out to the curb and find yourself a good latin or asian woman who doesn’t know to watch this dumbass stuff
Jul 27th, 2008
Yucky Orange
LOVE IT!! {{personally i think that romantic movies should be banned :P where are the movies that show men how they really act??}}
my husband is so guilty of the “no grand gestures..” although i must say that he has done one or two in the beginning; we had known each other for 11 years before our first date. we were best friends for that long. on our very first date, he had bought an engagement ring and proposed. after that; no romance… lol… but at least i got a heartfelt, sweet, wonderful proposal!
Aug 2nd, 2008
Jane
Loved this post….It is SO true! I’ve co-produced a new documentary film called “Single” — all about the growth of the single population and the complexities of finding and maintaining a lasting relationship in today’s crazy world. It includes (among many other reasons) a section on how hollywood and the media have influenced us, setting our expectations way too high for our relationships.
You can check out the trailer on YouTube at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ijeIRWj2z8
Aug 13th, 2008
Katja
Oh, stop whining. I’ll agree that women should stop watching romantic films because it fuels their expectations for the perfect man when men stop watching sit-coms because it fuels their expecations that they can be fat slobs and still get a supermodel-looking woman.
It’s all fantasy - everywhere. Either people understand the difference between that and reality or they don’t.
Aug 18th, 2008
PAT W
Serena,
You are wise for your age. I’m a therapist of many years counseling both men and women, but more women. The women who have gotten addicted to the romance novels and romance films are usually the most burnt out, disappointed and depressed people. Waiting for their prince to show up, or giving the slick guys their time (when they too often are the worst ones to tolerate) and then staying in bad rrelationships too long believing that their “love” will fix or change him are all, in my opinion, part of the baggage that comes from these fairy tales.
The women I work with who get one of the good guys don’t wait, they learn how to go after what they want….but they learn what they want and it’s a lot better than the fairy tales…but it also takes learning. When women tell me they keep meeting the wrong kind of men, I say “it’s easy to meet the wrong kind; it’s the right kind that isn’t so simple”.
Next, give the guys some advice about the “dick flicks” . patricia w
Aug 31st, 2008
Anni
Your so right! I’ve always expected/wanted the “Hollywood romance”, but guys aren’t like the male leads in a romance movie!
Sep 4th, 2008
Watch Full Free Legal Movies Here
Hey, since when did you start believing the movies. Women will always watch these movies just like guys will gravitate toward action and car chases. No one should ‘try it at home’.
Sep 7th, 2008
Another man
Ok first of all doing romantic things all the time irritated my girl, so my finger to the movies that set an example for me to do it. Being too romantic is weird.
Sep 10th, 2008
Jerel Mountcastle
You forgot to add in that not only is he not Brad Pitt but you aren’t exactly Angelina Jolie either, so get off yourself.
Sep 10th, 2008
Blindmonkey
HAHAHAHAHA…Amen Brother!
Sep 11th, 2008
Maritza
The funny thing is: the biggest fan of romantic comedies I EVER met was a guy, my former roommate. Man, that kid loved the warm fuzzy endings, the beautiful leading ladies, the fact that the guy always got his girl, and that everyone learned a nice lesson along the way. ZZzzzzz! He made me swear that I wouldn’t tell my girlfriends that he was such a pushover….but I have to say, it made them swoon. Not sure why…
Sep 24th, 2008
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