Machete Cast All Confirmed

Ok, as if I wasn’t already excited about the upcoming Robert Rodriguez movie “Machete” (based on this fake trailer of the same name from “Grindhouse”). There’s been a lot of rumor and speculation about the final cast for the movie… but it appears everything is now all set in stone.

Dig this cast list. How perfect is it for a film like this?

Danny Trejo
Robert De Niro
Jessica Alba, (can’t act. Just hope she’s topless or dies quick)
Michelle Rodriguez
Steven Seagal (AWESOME!!!)
Lindsay Lohan (See Alba comment)
Cheech Marin
Don Johnson
Jeff Fahey

I’m absolutely giddy. For a “regular” movie I wouldn’t be interested in a least with a cast list like this… but for “Machete”… man… nearly perfect.

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29 thoughts on “Machete Cast All Confirmed

  1. Don’t agree with u about Alba, agree about Lohan, I will be happy if she is topless. Seagle is alright & deniro is awesome. Hate Trejo no matter if he can act or not.

  2. I’m am all about Alba! In fact, you lose a notch of respect from me for hating on her so hard. However, I will agree that she seems to be a mis-cast here. Isn’t Salma Hayek better suited for this role?

  3. SInce Jessica didn’t get naked for Sin City, which practically screamed for nudity, considering the book has her character naked 90% of the time, I wouldn’t hold out boner hope of her getting topless in this fine effort.

  4. Never thought this movie would actually happen. Alba and Lohan only sweeten the pot for me (i have a crush on both of them). Bring it on! I’m still waiting for a Thanksgiving though.

  5. Right now, even the usual ‘Alba can’t act’ comment by John can’t contain my glee for the fact that it’s got both Jessica Alba and Michelle Rodriguez in it. I’ve got like, seriously, MAJOR ear to ear Smile right now.

  6. I just saw Planet Terror last night, and I must say I’m more excited for this than I thought I was going to be. Looking good!

  7. It is cool that DeNiro is in the film - but not too surprising. Let’s not forget that Trejo and DeNiro were in Michael Mann’s HEAT also.

  8. LOL, agreed, big time. Perfect cast for this type of movie. I can’t believe they got Robert De Niro for this, but that’s just awesome.

    And Steven Seagal? Wow. Hopefully he’ll do what he does best, trying to sound like a total bad ass, but looking nothing like it, then mopping the floor with everyone using nothing but his feet and hands.

    With these 2 guys and Danny Trejo staring, should be one HELL of and action flick! Makes me wonder who the main villain is going to be, would be amazing if it’s De Niro.

    As for Lohan and Alba… Alba I don’t mind so much, no she can’t act, but I think her voice is much better and she’s easier on the eyes then screwed up in the head, border line crackhead, Lohan. I would rather see her die first then Alba. But you know Lohan is much more likely to show any boob then Alba.

  9. Hm, the female casting choices leave little to be desired. I would be surprised if Alba did a topless scene, really surprised, especially now that she’s a mom. Ah well, eye candy is needed and in a movie such as this it works. I’m still scratching my head over Seagal…can he still bring it? Back in the day he was awesome, but now, I don’t know…I hope so. I’m still excited for this movie and so glad it’s moving forward!

  10. Seagal’s shining moment in history is when beats the crap out of 10 guys at a pool hall with a madball. LOVE IT!!!!

    1. While the scene you mention is from ‘Out For Justice’, I thought his shining moment in history was not in the films, but rather the talking dog incident.

  11. Doesnt the movie also need a humorous double of men that walk the streets there and have some of those Desperado beginning scenes. Tarantino for a cameo perhaps or another big star for some of those cameo’s

    Anyone have suggestion ?

  12. I just saw “Above the Law” with Steven Seagal on television. It looks a bit dated but has nice action and a few good laughs.

    The next day I found a nice aikido demonstration with Steven:

    PS: I’m reading your blog regularly, John. Keep up the good work.

    1. Ha… hey Slushie, I certainly DON’T think Seagal can act… that’s why I said in the post “For a “regular” movie I wouldn’t be interested in a least with a cast list like this… but for “Machete”… man… nearly perfect.”

      In just about anything else, I have no desire to see him… but drop him in THIS particular movie… I’m all for it. :P

    1. @alba & lohan: at least having them to go naked or doing mud wrestling and then die in violent way (Crank styles) is enough

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