John Reviews Pirates of the Caribbean 2

John gives his quick 3 minute review of Pirates of the Caribbean 2

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29 thoughts on “John Reviews Pirates of the Caribbean 2

  1. Great movie, but i’ve gotta say that some of the action scenes are a tad far-fetched and that the davie-jones’ crew is really laughable in appearance. Some of the jokes were a bit lame but this is a great movie for kids and teens. ha. I’m a teen

  2. The Pirates movies are meant to be over-the-top and lighthearted. They are meant to be for children and teenagers, so who cares if the action is slapstick? Do you really want little kids to see people dying horrible violent deaths? I’d much rather they saw captain jack tied to a huge fruit kebab than seeing people getting dismembered and blown apart, as you see in so many big “blockbuster” movies. Pirates proves that you don’t need overt gore and violence to make a successful movie.

    Also, about the Davy Jones cutting out his heart and putting it in the box thus making himself immortal thing: Don’t overanalyse things too much, it doesn’t matter how he became immortal after doing that, just accept that he did, and you’ll enjoy the movie much more.

    If everyone stops picking faults with movies and just overlook the odd plothole or two then you will find you enjoy movies so much more.

    Why turn something which is supposed to be a bit silly and ridiculous into something which has to be picked apart for faults?

  3. Pirates2 is HORRIBLE. First off, its has more slapstick humor then the first one(like Jack tied to the pole)and its just NOT funny. Secondly, and more importantly….IT MADE NO SENSE. Maybe pirates3 will explain some of the things, but in itself P2 makes no sense.


    Davy Jones cut out his heart and placed it in a box because of love, and that made him immortal…And also gave him the power over the kraken and an army of people. WHY? HOW?

    If you just wanna turn of your brain or are under the age of 17, P2 is ok. If you use ur brain just a little while u use movies, dont see this. I feel a little like after i watched Matrix 2 and 3…The first one was amazing…nr.2 was crap, nr.3 was shit.

    I pray that p3 is better.

  4. When I came back from watching the movie, I wondered why I didn’t like the characters so much anymore. NOw I know it…the charme was missing.
    In my opinion there was only one scene in the whole movie that could keep up with the first part: it was the fight on the weel, and the sceen on the beach…this was hilarious!
    I think the end was great. I love to have a reason to wait for the next movie…to wait for the story to go on….

  5. I wonder why Pirates of the Caribbean 2 is such successful. Of course Jack Sparrow is really cool and the special effects are phenomenal - but the most important thing should be the story. But this story is absolutely wishy-washy. Rarely to understand ….

  6. I agree with Martin. Though I understand the appeal of Jack’s mysterious, bad boy persona, Elizabeth’s interest in him doesn’t make much sense nor is it believable. The acting in this movie isn’t of the same calibre as the first.

  7. Personally, I liked the movie quite a bit, but unlike the first one, which was EXCELLENT in practically all respects, this one felt too rushed and too long at the same time, odd though that may seem.

    IMHO, there was a huge amount of stuff that need not have been included in the movie; the entire part with the savage cannibal tribe (King Kong, anybody?) is way too unoriginal and tired - though the hanging cage sequence was as cool as heck.

    The other part I could have done without is the fighting on the water wheel with Will and Norrington. It wasn’t that funny, didn’t help with the suspension of disbelief one needs to fully enjoy a movie like this, and worst of all, it added nothing to the film. Except length.

    That said; what I found interesting was the different reactions between men and women on the movie, or, to be more exact, Elizabeth’s actions. It seems as if seven out of ten women are of the opinion that at the end of POTC3, Elizabeth should be sailing off into the sunset with Jack.

    To say the least, not a single guy I know shares this opinion.

    One of my favourite games on the SuperNES way back when was Super Ghouls & Ghosts. Frustrating as heck ’cause you have to basically play it twice; after reaching the last level, you are sent back to level 1 to start all over again so you can get the only weapon that can kill the final boss.

    Now imagine after all that hard work and suffering, after killing the last boss, the Princess says “Oh thank you Arthur … now I can go home and marry my true love - George!”

    Now let’s think of poor Will. He has willingly put himself into all sorts of terrible situations, including serving on a hell ship crewed by the most grotesque of monsters (really cool by the way) all for this woman - and she runs off with the guy (Jack may be cool, but there are limits) who put him on that ship in the first place?

    Speaking for myself, I would be enraged beyond words if at the end of POTC3, Elizabeth Swann is not being married to Will Turner by Captain Jack Sparrow on the deck of the Black Pearl (or some other ship).

  8. The film is amazing. Its as good if not better than its predessesor.
    The stunts were definetly better than thos of the first movie.

  9. Very good review. You nailed pretty much all the good and bad about the film except for its rediculous length.

    Anyway, I think the biggest reason why this wasnt as good as the original is because it doesnt even feel like the same characters. Will was a blacksmith and now he’s invincible. Elizabeth was a standard hotchick and now she’s a hero. And Jack was a loveable lunatic but now he’s just a jerk.

    And in addition to the main characters, we get completely forgettable sidekicks. Who there is the Chewbacca or Lando of the group that you actually care about? The guy with the parrot? The guy with the same lame eye gag? They couldve all died and nobody would notice.

    Finally, the bad guys. Seriously, whats cooler. A werewolf skeleton zombie or a hammerhead shark that talks? The new badguys were more comical than creepy.

    Anyway, I was disappointed but being the sucker i am I will watch the next one.

  10. i loved it. this one had some amazing action scenes in it && was soo much funii-er than the first P.O.T.C .Also the special effects were realii beliveble && the actors were all brilliant-i dont reckon they have changed at all. its a bit gorey at the start lol. but omg dont u dare say that it didnt live up to the first coz it did-so dont lie.
    stop tryn’ to find the negitivety in the movie && just enjoy it 4 once!

    i’d give it 9 and a half out of ten!

    dani xo

  11. If any of u r wondering why Barbossa is still alive. If u watch the very end of the first movie after the credits u see the monkey grab a piece of gold so that means that the curse didnt go out so thats why barbossa is still alive. Proof of this is when jack keeps trying to kill the monkey and it doesnt die. If thats true Jack is still alive inside the krakken because jack was immortal also in the first movie.

  12. Did anyone else sit right through to the end of the credits?

    There were a hell of a lot of credits - I think they gave one to anyone who even came near to the set.

    But that’s not really relevant - what is relevant - is that there’s a 10 second piece of footage that ties up one of the loose ends left from the main movie.

    Anyone else see it?

    Only reason I saw it was because I was leaving at about the 8 minute mark, and the cleaner said - “you’ve waited this long - you might as well catch the end.”

    I enjoyed it - and didn’t dislike Sparrow as much as John did - but it was waaaayyy too long, and didn’t spark nearly as much as the first. I liked Davy Jones’ crew - I thought that was a cool extension of the first movies technological efforts.

    But I think perhaps they spent too much time/budget on making the digital effects look shithot on the crew and the Kraken - and lost themselves in that v. important scripting and editing phase of a movie.

  13. I think you are a complete idiot and should be fired. You have no idea what constitutes a good movie. You find the negative in every movie and in pirates 2, you bashed it like no other. I and many other would agree that it was one of the best movies if not the best of the year. Someone at your company needs to read this and give you the boot. Thanks.

  14. I’ve seen the Black Pearl at least ten times and feel it is one of the best and most enjoyable movies of the decade. The sequel was a serious disappointment.

    I love Johnny Depp, but in this episode he was way too overbearing a parody of himself in the first movie, a role that was itself a parody so broad it tipped perilously close to absurdity. In this role, it tips way over, and irredeemably so. A vicitm of eye shadow to beat Kiss.

    The story line seems to have been worked on by 17 different aspiring screenwriters, all of whose work was hurled into the air. Unfortunately some of it was then caught instead of being allowed to drop into the water.

    The dialog was reasonably stylish, but no where near as sharp as in the Black Pearl. The most serious shortfalls were directorial and editorial. The entire sequence of capture by cannibals was utterly without purpose, set in the wrong time and ocean, and advanced the plot not an inch. It might as well have grabbed out of another movie and just thrown in for luck.

    If the movie had been overly short, then maybe OK, you throw in a useless diversion to make your 96-minute minimum and go home. But this movie was endless. For all its dazzling effects, it drags.

    Speaking of effects, the high point and low point is the make-up. The effort here seems to be to assure at least one minor Oscar to assist in future marketing efforts (The Black Pearl was robbed, IMHO). But how much sense does it make to bend the movie to the service of the make-up? In short, the make-up crew has succeeded in bringing vomit-face to a high art, but do we really want to spend two and a half hours staring at vomit?

    The comic element is literaly drowned by the horror elements, and the pirate-adventure theme is hammered into boredom by the film’s unruly length. It’s simliar to but even worse than what Lucas did to his Star Wars franchise when he had the money to create every monster he wanted to, and was too successful to be told to put a sock in it and get back to telling a compelling story.

    Even the sword play — superb in the Black Pearl, some of the best ever shot (I was once trained in stage fencing) — was hard to follow and not believable.

    There’s no damn story here. It doesn’t pass the “so what?” test. It just sez, Look at me, I can gross you out. Self-referential, self-involved: A big disappoitment given the talents invovled. One DVD I won’t be buying.

  15. i loved pirates of the caribbean because it was so good and jhonny depp was so funny he was perfect for that role orlando bloom was funny and hot in the movie keira was so cool i love the part when she stabes the two guys davy jones crew members in the stomach throgh the sides of her arms i canttto see the 3rd one and i know i will because if i dont ill die and ill be pist and ill get angery at someone

  16. Some great moments but some really bad stuff too. The movie just ending like it did was a pretty big dissapointment. Bringing back one character at the end was really really bad. Totally makes the first film redundent.
    The last scene with Jack Sparrow was fantastic and the film could have worked ending right there.
    The next installment may redeem some of the errors of this one.
    I just wish i had known it was half a film (not done in a cool way like LOTR either) i would have waited until both were out on DVD.

  17. Good review John. I didn’t think Jack was as big a jerk as you stated. Like in the first film, he simply had his own best interests at heart. While the crew of the damned was a little cooler, particularly when they fought in an out of the moonlight, Davey Jones himself was a superior CGI achievement. I give it an 8 out of 10.

  18. I saw this just so I could comment. Aside from Keira being too skinny, even if she does have a great tan, this one’s a good one, and it’ll be better after the third one’s out.
    Buy the small or medium drink and the large popcorn. Trust me.

  19. i am going to see it this weekend and have just watched the first one again on dvd,i really liked the first one and hope this one lives up to my expectations.
    thanks for the review john,as always informative and interesting.
    i am really looking forward to the audio edition tonight.
    you and doug are the most entertaining thing on the web.

  20. Going to see this one at the weekend, but I’m doing my best to keep my excitement levels down. I don’t understand why people have come to expect sequels to top the originals - sequels are almost always lesser films. That doesn’t mean they can’t be enjoyable, but the element of discovery and surprise is gone. It’s like having a drink with an old friend rather than meeting a really cool new one. Both good experiences; just different.

    P.S. I haven’t been able to post on the Paramount issue - went to sleep and missed the whole thing! - so I just wanted to offer my support. This site has so far offered me the ONLY reason I might see Transformers: the enthusiasm of yourself and Doug as GENUINE fans of the material. Why a studio would treat you this way when you’re basically helping to sell (for free!) the latest Michael Fucking Bay film baffles me. Keep up the good work, John.

  21. From the perspective of someone who has never seen the original Pirates (besides bits and pieces in French), I have to say that I was overall impressed with Dead Man’s Chest. The action was over-the-top, but never felt excessive (thanks to the film’s largely light-hearted tone). Even without seeing the first movie, I felt an instant connection with most of the characters (except for Orlando Bloom, who was entirely too pretentious and haughty to be considered a likable person). Johnny Depp plays a hilariously foppish Jack Sparrow, but he manages to vary the characterization ever so slightly from time to time, so the act is never dull. Keira Knightley makes my groin excited.

    Even without seeing the first movie, I had a wonderful time watching Pirates. I left the auditorium with a feeling of satisfaction not seen since Batman Begins. Oh, and the by the way… INFINITELY BETTER THAN SUPERMAN RETURNS. That should spice things up a little bit.

  22. john saw a different movie to me.
    this movie rocked, heap better than the last one.
    do agree that davie jones crew wasn’t as cool as the damned crew in the first. they looked pretty kiddy, one guy had a star fish stuck on his face?
    the actions is awesome, movie is very funny, jack rocks just a much as in the first movie.
    it did drag a little in the middle and was a little to long, but mate, i can’t wait for the next one.

    PS. this is only half a movie and there is a little abit more after the credits if your keen to hang back, it ties up a little loose end.

  23. Damn! I liked X3, and I may like this movie too. But I really don’t like the idea of watching (or re-watching) a sequel that fails to top the first. Oh well, I guess I should give ‘Superman Returns’ a shot before the 14-Disc Anthology Collection. After seeing at “Superman II” teaser trailer, I want to see this movie NOW!

    The collection should be out in November.

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