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August 14, 2003

Let the main event begin

— Posted by John Campea

Let the main event begin
To commemorate the opening of Freddy vs Jason tomorrow, I thought it would be fun to imagine the outcome of a few other movie dream matches. Tell me what you think the results would be in the comments section below.

Rambo (Sylvester Stallone) vs. Major Dutch (Arnold Schwarzenegger in Predator)
Ok, on the surface this one looks like it would be pretty close. At first you may be tempted to give a slight nod to Dutch due to his superior size and strength. But in the end I think the pure combat experience of Rambo (Dutch’s experience was more secret missions) would give him the edge, especially is the fight took place in a jungle setting.
John’s Winner: John J. Rambo with a 9th Round K.O.

Edward Hyde (From The Leauge) vs. The Hulk
I know most of you are thinking this is an easy one, but keep in mind that the Edward Hyde from The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen is a MUCH larger, stronger and more powerful Hyde than the one in literature. Busting through concrete walls is nothing for this guy. Also, he’s much more intelligent than the Hulk is which could give him an edge. But in the end, the fact that The Hulk only gets larger and strong the angrier he gets pushes him way over the finish line. Theoretically speaking, we don’t know what the limit is to his power, so give this one to the Hulk.
John’s Winner: The Hulk with a 5th Round T.K.O

Alien vs Predator
This has been an on and off movie project for a while. Personally, I think this a pretty easy one to call. If Sigourney Weaver could take out a whole bunch of Aliens, but it took everything Arnold had to take down just one Predator, then I think the outcome is clear. The Predators are more intelligent, have superior technology and firepower, and may even be as physically strong as the Aliens.
John’s Winner: The Predators with a 2nd Round K.O.

DareDevil vs. Spiderman
Spidey sense vs. Radar sense. I actually think I saw a cartoon of DareDevil vs. Spiderman in the video store once. If you saw it, let me know what the outcome was. To be honest, I think this once would be a pretty even fight on almost all levels. However, the blindness factor would eventually kick in and Spiderman also has the edge when it come to pure strength. It would be close, but I’d give Spiderman an 7th round T.K.O.

Jet Li (any character) vs. Jackie Chan (any character)
I would give one of my kidneys to see them make this movie. These two guys are amazing to watch on the big screen (when they aren’t talking that is). Jet Li is younger than the aging Chan, but Jackie is just way too fast and SMOOTH. Not to mention, Jackie Chan is a big guy. Most people often overlook just how much big muscle he has packed on to that short frame of his. It would be close, and probably the most entertaining match on this list, but I give the edge to Jackie.
John’s Winner: Jackie Chan with a 9th Round T.K.O.

Axle Foley (Eddie Murphy) vs. John McClane (Bruce Willis)
Beverly Hill Cop against the Die Hard man. No one is going to like my prediction here. Although the Die Hard films are much better than the Beverly Hills Cop movies, I’d have to give the edge in this one to Axle Foley. Axle is younger, faster, a little more street and just in better shape than the often hung over McClane. So, give this one to Foley.
John’s Winner: Axle Foley with a 4th Round K.O.

Batman vs. Wolverine
This would be another great one. Personally, I think Batman would kick the crap out of Wolverine for all 10 rounds. But for arguments sake, lets say there was no time limit in this one. After a while, Wolverine’s healing factor would be just too much and Batman would tire out and then POOF, adamantium claws through the Bat Belly. So, as much as it pains me to say it, give this one to Wolverine.
John’s Winner: Wolverine with a 87th Round K.O.

Heavyweight Championship: Darth Vader vs. Superman
Ok, perhaps my bias will show a little here, but you know Vader would make Sups his girlfriend within about 2 minutes.
John’s Winner: Darth Vader with a 1st Round K.O.

When writing your thoughts in the comments, please remember that like Nemo I am always right in all things and any other opinions other than my own are deviant and wrong. Have a great day! :)

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